Women series is a number of blog posts dedicated to my female followers, BUT YOU CAN also benefit from seeing things from their point of view… These are women I have dated, currently dating, exes and friends. (Yes most women I have been with know about my blog)
A lot of dudes complain (specially in the anti-game forums), but the reality is that women do not necessarily have it any easier, I met with a girl online (she was into me, skinny with f boobs, but no ass, so I passed)… but during the meeting she show me her online dating emails, she had tons and tons of good looking interested dudes, but they were creepers, no game, or overly playerish, requesting sex, sending unsolicited dick pics etc…
As I said a 100 times if you follow my stuff, dudes can be richer, fitter, better looking BUT they are not necessarily ATTRACTIVE. Let me expand I am not rich, I am not necessarily societal good looking BUT I AM EXTREMELY ATTRACTIVE aka I get the pussy wet like a river. Being attractive is within your control: attractive masculine behaviors (so called game), sexy cool style (swag), confidence, good hygiene, muscles, facial hair, sexual vibe, presence, eye contact etc… All the shit i preach.
Ok here is a girl in her 30s and her disappointment with Tinder, she has since deleted the article lol, but sorry sweetheart I saved it 🙂
By the way I am killing it on tinder wholly fuck, I am getting hot young girls, I can’t believe I waited so long. (Post on my unique style on how to get laid on tinder soon)
https://medium.com/@sarahjukes/tinder-has-a-no-man-s-land-85e4bbeeefcf
“Tinder has a no-man’s land.
And the experiment I did to prove it.
There is no question that Tinder is a game-changer. It has completely turned dating on its head. Whether you believe in the ‘Tinder Generation’ or what Vanity Fair said recently about the dawning of a dating apocalypse, the dating landscape has changed and thanks primarily to dating apps like Tinder.
When a piece of technology comes along and disrupts the way people do things, it needs time for people to work out what it all means. That is exactly what is happening out there right now. No one knows what the fuck they’re doing. Dating apps have changed dating so dramatically, by way of opening up opportunity, choice, speed and access like never before.
I quit dating over the summer because, well, because dating fucking sucks. If you say you like dating, you’re a liar. No one likes it. In this city, everyone is too busy and everyone thinks they can do better. I don’t care who you are, what you look like or how awesome you think your apartment is. Dating is hard for everyone.
I quit dating because for the effort I was putting in, I wasn’t seeing the kind of return that made me want to keep doing it. Modern dating is about looking for the bad in people, not the good. I do it too. One guy I dated had these ears that pinned back funny and looked like they were stapled to his head. Maybe they were? I can list every superficial bad thing about that guy, and probably say minimal about his character or potential as a partner. Why has it come to this?
In the absence of any real feedback in the dating world, I crawl into my empty bed on another Saturday night and think, why is it always like this? It is my age? Is it me? Is it the city? Instead of hating all over Tinder and blaming it for my non-existent dating life, I decided to run a Tinder experiment instead.
For backstory — I am 37 years old, female, white, Australian and I live in Manhattan. I don’t look my age but I guarantee you that every 37 year old single woman in this city will tell you the same thing. I’ve been married before, been divorced for many years and have no desire to marry again. The idea of having any kind of family of my own dropped off my radar a long time ago. I have dated for years and always with the same intention — I want to be in an exclusive relationship.
Here’s how my Tinder experiment played out.
I deleted my old Tinder account. And by that I meant that I didn’t just delete the app from my phone, I deleted my account proper and deleted the app connection on Facebook, just to make sure.
I created a new Tinder profile. The same as my old one and with my real age of 37 years.
I picked a specific day and time (Saturday, 10am) and swiped right on the first 500 profiles. You’d be surprised how little time it takes to swipe right on 500 profiles. But I did have to pay for the unlimited version of Tinder for the privilege to do so.
I waited 48 hours, came back and tallied up how many matches swiped right back, how many messaged me and I recorded the ages for both.
I repeated the same thing a week later, but with my age set to 27 years. I used a different phone number, a fake Facebook account and I swiped right on the first 500 profiles. Only this time I set my age to 10 years younger — 27. I kept everything about my profile exactly the same, including the discovery settings. I waited 48 hours and tallied the results.
The results showed that, not surprisingly, I got a much higher right swipe rate when my age was 27 compared to 37, and I got significantly more messages too. At age 37, I matched with 71% of right swipes. At 27 that number sky-rocketed to 92%.
By far the more interesting stat was the dramatic difference in the average age of who swiped right and messaged me, relative to my Tinder age. The higher my Tinder age, the younger the average age of the Tinder match.The higher my Tinder age, the lower the average age of the Tinder match
I wasn’t expecting to see such a dramatic difference. It proves the point that younger men are initially interested in older women and that men my age overwhelmingly want younger women.
This is in line with my real life experiences too. Younger men tell me they appreciate the maturity of older women. In their eyes older women are independent, got their shit together, established, know what they want, and can really be sexy. They also tell me that women their age (~25 years old) are boring, immature and crazy. What does this all mean?
Ageism in dating isn’t new. It’s been around long before Tinder existed. Tinder just amplifies it. Since I turned 35, the entire dating landscape has changed. It’s got a whole lot fucking harder.
The biggest difficulty I have is that the men I want to date, men my age, don’t want to date me. Instead they chase much younger women. That came out in my Tinder experiment too — I got such little interest from men my own age. You’re a 37-year-old single guy in New York? Well, well, well! Go clean up then! You are sky-high on every woman’s demand list. But a 37 year old single girl in New York? Oh. Well, shit. Good luck with that. Because it’s not the fucking same. My male peers have an infinite pool to choose from, they can form relationships with younger women if they choose to and all is dandy.
I too can chase younger men. Only instead of everything being dandy like it is for my male counterparts, dating younger men when you’re my age comes with an age gap so vast, it is insurmountable. It cannot ever be breached.
It doesn’t matter how mature, stable, interesting, whether you’re in your sexual prime, how ballerina-perfect your body is or how young you look, a younger guy might like to brag to his friends about bagging an older woman, but no younger guy wants to bring home an older woman to meet the parents. And that’s the fucking truth.
The obvious answer is to go after men who would consider me as dating or relationship material. That’s men roughly 10 years older than me, in the 45+ age bracket.
Older men come with any combination of downsides that I find hard to tolerate — namely dad bods, viagra, ex-wives and teenage children. They’re often set in their ways and aren’t truly open to trying new things. They want Netflix and chill, six out of seven nights a week. Boring. As. Fuck. Many are actively chasing a second (or third) marriage or they have never married. They are the ‘I’ll never settle’ types that consider three months as a serious long-term relationship. The men 45+ that aren’t like this are in super high demand.
This is what I mean by Tinder no-man’s land. I am too old for younger men to consider me seriously, too old for men my age to even get a date, and I’m not interested in men 10+ years older. I don’t fit in. I’m stuck.
There’s another explanation for my lack of dating success. Forget about age or Tinder experiments — that the problem is with me. After all I am the common denominator in all of this. Maybe I don’t date well? I say the wrong thing, bat above my league, set my expectations too high. Am I too thin? Maybe I intimidate. Not smart enough? Too blonde, too foreign? Boring, closed, hard to get to know?
More likely is the cynicism I carry around for dating. It’s a chip on my shoulder for my lack of previous success, an ‘I care but really I don’t’ attitude and a frustration at not getting what I want. I can try to suppress it, but it has to shine through at some point. I am the ugly duckling that turned into a graceful and firey swan. One incapable of convincing that she might actually be beautiful enough.
I have two options. I could continue dating much younger men, knowing full well there is zero long term potential and it will fizzle out within 2–5 dates. Or I could go for the dad bods, the slobs and the viagra, the perpetual players or second-wife hunters that is dating men 45 years and older. Given those two options, what would you choose?
This is why I don’t date anymore. Opting out altogether is the simplest option right now. I accept that there is no best fit for me in the current dating landscape. I sit firmly within Tinder and dating’s no-man’s land. At least by removing myself from it entirely, it gives me the freedom to no longer have to wallow there.”
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