At least 100 times a day all over the internet you will see questions like this, by a seducer name “dm”:
So my gf of one and a half years just broke up with me. She said she isnt happy, that we havent been doing well for a long time and that “She loves me, but isnt in love with me” (whatever that means).. Anyways, we have had problems in our relationship, but i didnt think that the gravity of which would culminate in this kind of breakup. We talked, and asked her to work it out saying i could change, be the person she needed to give it a chance, but she was having none of it. I know what it seems like, ive been devastated, but i still love this girl, and am not ready to walk away from such a long relationship without a fight. Ive read different places that the only and best way to get back an ex is to go into radio silence for a month and just work on yourself. How should I go about this, i love this girl with all my heart and would give anything to work things out. Im a fucking wreck, but she doesnt seem to be too distraught (as she put it shes ‘numb’ to me). What is a way that i can get out of this and at least have a shot at getting back with her. I know i made the mistake of trying to convince her to try it, but we had had fights before and BAM we were in each others arms again. I need some advice on how to make this relationship work again, and not have people tell me to move on, find other fish in the sea etc.. I need help with this one please!
You tend to see more of these type of posts/questions specially the months following Valentines/holidays, which I personal considered in USA the end of “Boyfriend season”(in my neck of the woods clubs getting better, finally no more sausage fests) and sadly for them they are not the ones that started the process (This matches observations by blackdragon that women usually do the dumping).
My theory is after Valentines women usually act up, since they did not get the upgrade in relationship,proposal, or the dude totally blew up valentines (crappy gift, I don’t care subcommunication,no gift etc…).
We all know the blue pill causes of most break ups: Finances and cheating.
But I will tell you the real dynamic of break ups and women in most cases:
Pre-break up stage (could take years to get to the breaking point in some cases)
Women psychology: Women are very forgiving loving feminine creatures, they have a lot of tolerance for emotional pain, discomfort, keeping things inside, looking the other way, and forgiveness specially cases were the dudes fucked up (for example cheating or not correcting subjects of things that clearly bothers them for example going out drinking, forgetting birthdays, flaking on a meeting important to them etc…). This is Awesome that they have the ability to let things go for Years.(but most of them remember and bring up the incidents during arguments).
The other problem is that most dudes are delusional and think they are doing a great job and women are happy, so most break ups come as a surprise. Most guys give women what they think they need, instead of what they really need. To be fair, Is not entirely their fault since women and men communicate different. In other words, men get to the point, for example “I do not want you to complain about the dishes not being washed when i just got home from work.”
Now how women communicate, instead of giving you an example I will give an analogy, my dog when he needs to go to the bathroom does not come up to me and tell me, “skills stop fapping and take me for a walk” what the dog does is that he walks really fast back and forth, that is the subcommunication of take me out I need to pee. With women they do not get to the point you have to understand the subcommunication of what is going on. ( I know I know it sucks). There is a famous saying, never go by what women say, but go by what they do.
Most guys don’t get it:
Dude: what is wrong?
Girl: nothing
When actually something underlying is bothering her that she has addressed with the dude before, most dudes don’t get that or get it too late.
The thing is guys are totally the opposite, when something bothers her they promise correction in cases were they are clearly in the wrong, but they are repeat offenders and pile up on mistakes.
This is not counting what happens with most dudes that get a girlfriend, and stop looking good, working out, dressing nice, being goal driving, having the ability to fuck women on command etc…
^ this as well contributes to the problem but usually not much since they go blind during the love stage (which could be stretch for years), however once they reach what I call the “breaking point” all the flaws and all the reasons to disqualify are maximized just similar to when first dating prior to the fuck, get me?.
The other problem is that usually prior to the “breaking point” they are a bit more discreet about the relationship problems, and they will fight friends and family (other voices) to death defending your honor and the relationship. But, once the breaking point reaches those voices will be accepted and agreed upon.
The main problem with women is that when they reach the breaking point good luck trying to bring them back, It is almost impossible.
Usually during, after or prior to the final break up (I would say 80% of the time being conservative there is another dude in the radar screen). This does not mean they are fucking the dude per se, but there is some flirting and how would it be with that dude question mark going on in their brain.
Now there are also cases were there is nothing wrong with the dude or the relationship, but the girl just decide that she does not want to be in a relationship, maybe she is in a different life stage, menopause, maybe she is lesbian, maybe trauma, time apart, medical condition etc… In this cases not much you can do either.
So what are some mistakes that guys make with dealing with women breaking up:
1.- Threats and intimation.- This technique may work temporarily in some cases to prevent the ticking time bomb. But, she will hate you more and more and more. And in some cases want revenge, at the end the dude end up losing anyways. Some guys use secrets, the kids, finances and other threats, but there are also extreme examples like: Oj Simpson, war machine etc.. I did a video on this called the worst type of alpha.
2.- Logic and reasoning.-I love the explanation David Dangelo using in the 10 Biggest mistakes that men make with women:
“YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A WOMAN “FEELS” WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION!
Never, ever, EVER.
You cannot CONVINCE a woman to feel differently about you with “logic and reasoning”.
Think about it.
If a woman doesn’t “feel it” for you, how in the world do you expect to change that FEELING by being “reasonable” with her?
But we all do it.
When a woman just isn’t interested, we beg, plead, chase, and do our best to change her mind.
Bad idea. One that will never work.”
3.- Though is kind of covered by the reasoning and logic point.-
Begging and crying is ONE OF THE WORST things a dude can do, this not only will dry her pussy and put you into subhuman territory. You will lose all type of self-respect to yourself. This shit NEVER WORKS EVER and the act in itself is a feminine trait.
4.- Trying to find a way to bring them back via tactics game etc…: This does not work mainly because you are not congruent and in most cases women know you are bluffing. The second problem is that you are stuck in neutrality, instead of moving on. With this being said I have gotten women back. (I will cover how to do this later).
5.- Going after the new dude.- fuck! This is the worst shit, specially a lot alpha type dudes do. They blame everything on the new dude she is dating and go after the dude or even if there is not new dude in some cases they go after her male friends due to paranoia.
6.- Following number 5.- Trying to get info. And get on the good side of her female friends, male friends, family. Because the dude thinks they will logically convince her how wrong she is, and what mistake she is making by not being with her…. Again, this does not work and just will put you on her bad side.
7.- Stalking/psycho behavior/creeping.- Again this does not work and will make her hate you and/or hate you more and could get you a restraining order (police record etc..)
So what do you do when a girl wants to end up a relationship?
Step 1.- make sure is not a test: Some women have underlying problems and threaten or do a break up, cause she is a bad communicator or the dude does not get women, and Is a cry for help for a relationship problem to be addressed. The movie the break up with Vince Young is a realistic example of this:
Brooke, feeling unappreciated, criticizes Gary’s perceived immaturity and unwillingness to work on improving their relationship. Gary is frustrated by Brooke’s perceived controlling, perfectionistic attitude, and expresses his desire to have a little more independence (particularly when arriving home from work, wanting to unwind). Brooke becomes irate when Gary fails to offer to help her clean up after a big dinner party at their home; and, still frustrated from their earlier, unresolved argument, breaks up with him (despite still being in love with him). Brooke seeks relationship advice from her friend Addie (Joey Lauren Adams), while Gary goes to tell his side of things to friend Johnny Ostrofski (Jon Favreau).
Step 2: If is not a test or demand for attention, and is a real break up. You have 2 choices:
A.- agree with the break up if you want out.
or
B.- Tell her how you feel about the break without sells, reasoning and logic. For example, I regret your decision, I want to be with you and for this to work plus I love you. However; If this is what you want It is out of my control, and there is not much I can do about it.I want to say thank you for the time and experiences we had together and I hope that we do this without, hate, anger and animosity. I will cut all contact and move on.
Step 3:re-direct your energy (most of my success and most successful people tipping point was usually after a really bad break up). My theory is because they re-direct the energy to something to prove, so she can regret the break up. (in your head you are like I am going make that bitch suffer with my accomplishments and make regret breaking up with me, I will be the best version of me in times 100.)
In my personal experience I maximized my physical shape, my finances to top earning level etc…
Step 4: Put in your head is over and there is not coming back, ever. Look for a new place to live if you are living together or move out. Do what you got a do, but is over.
Cut all contact aka Radio silence. Do not talk to her, cut all contact. The exception is if you have access to the pussy, if you have access to that pussy and you are doing everything else suggested.. Disclaimer.- if you are needy, and still can not let go do not follow this advice, this advice is for those dudes that can move on fast and have access to other pussy.
Now here is the most important step and the best strategy if is there any possibility of getting her back, ready:
Get other women, as much as I disagree with the puas and the community on most things (though the last couple of years they have gotten so much better). This is the best advice there is if you have a shot of getting the girl back.
.
Step 5: Watch tyler video on neediness couple of times (best video ever to watch during a break up stage): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNovswAlmio
Additional resources that are helpful:
How to deal with a break up by the revlifestyledesign.
http://revolutionarylifestyledesign….th-a-break-up/
How to get your girlfriend back by chase :
http://www.girlschase.com/content/ho…irlfriend-back
Here is a video of common situation of what not to do:
Very true! Wow you are good!