As always in the pick up forums the blind leading the blind, thank God, for some dudes like instict out there. Oh well, another post inspired me to write this blog…
Here instict and he is right on the money:
This is just a casual rant. Here is the problem:
As I scroll through relationship related topics there are certainly a great number of them being associated with the followings:
-girlfriend behaving bitchy
-girlfriend refusing sex
-girlfriend doing other things you don’t want.And what are the responses? Some of them include:
-RUN!!
-Leave while you can…
-Show her who’s boss! (aka play stupid games)You know, in my country there’s a saying. And I find it really true especially for my generation. It goes like this:
“Back in the days when something went wrong we used to fix it, not throw it away.”So what the problem is, and what people should understand is that most(not all…) relationship problems come down to these factors:
-Lack of communication
-Lack of balls
-Lack of frame control(These are pretty much related btw…)
-Lack of consistency(playing games…)
-Being too predictable and/or taking her for granted.Look, I’m not saying all relationships could be saved. Some people just weren’t meant to be. If your expectations from a relationship and your girlfriend’s expectations differ too much, then probably you’re better off on your own. You can’t expect anyone to change their own desires. But this mentallity that your girlfriend is doing something you don’t like, and instead of talking about it you just start playing stupid games, like making her jealous, or just leave her for good because you sure as hell are an alpha dog, and can find another pretty face any time you want is just PLAIN WRONG.
Then again here’s this little community misbelief: “But if I say that it bothers me that we don’t have sex, then I’m needy because I show her that I’m depending on her too much”
Okay… you shouldn’t just say: “Babe, I need more sex.” Just when you’re turned down ask her what’s wrong. Not in an offensive way. In a way that you really care. “I’m just not in the mood” is not an acceptable answer. It is, for once in a while, but not 5 days a week. You should pay attention to your girlfriend and find out what’s the cause of this because no sex means the relationship is DYING! She may not tell you, but she will always send you signals. She might talk about how her friend’s boyfriend took her out on a romantic date… BINGO, she needs that you care about her more. She might talk about his brother doing a lot of housework at home… BINGO, she wants you to help her out more at home. etc. etc… the most important thing is to PAY ATTENTION.
Other problems are just needed to be talked about. Say your girlfriend blames you for things that you are not responsible for. This means you have a weak frame. Don’t get into a fight! Fights don’t solve anything. Talk calmly, but strongly. Say that it’s just not your responsibility. Make her explain how it is your fault, but don’t get your voice up because she will just become even more bitchy, start crying about how you never understand her, and will never ever tell you what’s her real problem.
So in conclusion: regarding most problems talking about it is the best solution. Good communication is basic in a healthy relationship.
Regarding the other mistakes, just a few words:
1) Lack of balls
Well, grow a pair. If you just let your girl play with your head, and you don’t say a word you will be used and/or cheated in no time.
2) Playing games
Playing stupid games don’t solve the problem of not having the balls to state what’s the problem. If you act like an immature whiny little fucker, be sure that you will be treated like one.
3) Being too predictable/taking her for granted
Okay why would I talk about these two together? Because being too predictable is usually the consequence of taking her for granted. She’s your girlfriend, and she might love you now, but… sorry to tell you: Feelings may change as time goes by. If you don’t remain interesting she can choose to leave any time. Well this applies to you too. In the case when your girlfriend is becoming really boring, and you’ve tried to spice things up and she just doesn’t seem to even want to do anything about this, feel free to leave, as I’ve said you can’t match with everyone. That would pretty much go against evolution.
4) Lack of frame control
You’re the man in the relationship. That means you’re the leader. That doesn’t mean everything is meant to happen like you want it. That’s despotism, not leadership. It means that you’re the one to bring up decisions, problems, solutions, dates, holidays etc. Being a man is not just telling her around what to do, it comes with lots of responsibility. If you can’t take responsibility for your actions you will not be appreciated as a grown up man. Of course, you should definitely ask her opinion about these topics, but you should be the one to bring these up in at least 90% of the time.
Good luck with your girlfriends, and, for your own sake, don’t listen to the KJs…
I always had success in relationships most of my relationships minimum 1 year to 3 years, I usually get bored and do the dumping. but now I found a girl which I am really happy with, drama free. Been with her almost 7 years (I got a talk all this crap in case she reads my blog, wink wink).
Problem is many dudes learn pick up, but relationship is another type of skill level, which is different from pick up… Some of the things i observe that are conductive to failure are:
1.- Dude gets betasized… She feel in love with a “cool dude” that “cool dude” change to a “needy/pussy dude”.
2.- The dude got comfortable and predictable: Out of shape, his ambition and goals disapeared etc…
3.- lack of understanding of women. Most guys including puas do not understand women.
4.- lack of communication.- dudes do not know how to correctly communicate with women, women do not communicate the same as dudes, they are very drama and expressive instead of getting to the point, in other words they act up ( just like a dog). Let me explain, when the dog needs to pee, they don’t come to you and communicate “hey dude i need to pee please take me out” they pace back and forth, women have tons of subcommunications they really do not verbally get to the point.
5.- If women are not giving you sex… Is cause she is not happy and you are not getting her… There is the different in between giving her what you think she wants and needs. Instead of you giving her what she really wants and need.
6.- Settling.- You see it on the forum all the time, specially dudes i help and coach, they get that girl and they make her the gf. Instead of getting more girls and screening right.
7.- Lack of boundaries and leadership from the start. They let the girl step all over them, and they leave it up to the girl to make the decisions.
8.- Provider frame instead of lover frame. They went into the relationship with the provider nice guy frame, instead of the sexual, bad boy frame.
9.- Lack of Secret society status. At all times the girls needs to know that you have the skills set to go and get other women if things do not work out.
10.- Lack of constant self actualization from the dudes part. Getting stuck in life, no improving or working on being constantly better.
Here is a sample of a recent conflict I had with my girlfriend over another girl, I met her at a club, I was not interested in her, but I can understand how my girlfriend reading her texts could feel cheated and mislead. I nickname my gf/wife.
wife: If you cant explain one or two txt mesgs that ‘Look’ suspicious, ur not worth it 7:13 PM
First she is not gonna not care anymore after 7 years over 1 text message, what she is really saying is “dude i trust you and i do not check your phone, and let you do what you want, why the fuck you are going behind my back cheating”.
^ All of that are valid points and she is right, but the truth is as bad as it looks that is not the reality. So I just explain to her that I teach guys how to seduce women at clubs and I have to practice what I preach base on the field instead of kjoking. But I am not really cheating I am fishing the fish, and releasing it back into the water.
Me: But i love you! You have all i want and need i do not need anybody else, get that through you head.. I flirt to get insights on game, nothing else, not interested in any girl and i swear on your mom. 9:44 AM
^ here I reassure her that she is the one and I do not want or need anybody else, which for now is the truth. Then I fuck with her swearing on her mom instead of my mom, lol (push/pull).
Most dudes face on similar scenario but have fucked everything up and broken up for no reason.
Here is a video by Julien Rsd, matches my experiences
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